These last few weeks have been mentally exhausting. When did I start seeing being busy as a competition? That’s not right. I don’t WANT to be more busy then the next person. In fact, I want the exact opposite. I want to be less busy, less stressed and more living in the moment. Have you ever had a conversation with someone who says oh I have this and this and this to do today, you roll your eyes and say I know what you mean, I have to do this and this and this and this AND THIS! It’s not a competition – YOU DON’T WIN!!!!!
Lately here has been my thought process: No, I don’t have time to read that book, Can’t play, I need to check this email. I’m sorry honey, I just can’t help with that right now. I’m on my phone, checking emails, and while I turned off notifications, I still have this desire to constantly unlock my phone and check what I may be missing. Not only am I trying to complete my TAFE certificate, I have a large sewing (clothes) order to finish, I have a shop that I need to restock with clothing items, I feel bad because I can’t help as often with reading groups in the classroom, I have markets coming up at the end of this month, and I’m a member of one committee and President of another, I have 2 kids, a husband and my house is still hard to keep on top of. I’m having trouble prioritising!!!!!
A few weeks ago, I was running out the door to yet another committee meeting, cranky because my husband wasn’t home earlier, the kids wouldn’t come inside and have a shower and I had just finished cooking dinner that I was taking with me to eat at the meeting. On the way there, I had a realisation – what in the world am I doing? I can’t do this anymore! That night, I promptly sent an email with my resignation to this committee as of the last meeting of the year (November). I knew I had to give them notice to replace me, I knew I had worked SO hard to help them get where they are this year, but I’ve had to attend a LOT of meetings, it wasn’t a suitable night for our family, something had to give so this was #1 on my list. And you know what I felt once that letter was sent? Relief. One less thing will be on my plate shortly – what’s next?
What do I want to keep in my life? Well, obviously family is Number ONE on this list. I need to create more time for and with them. I’m happy with my exercise and dieting because I need to look after me as well, so commitment to time for this stays. P&C President – this is one I will keep as long as possible as I really do love the school and get great satisfaction with what I do – it’s my one way of giving back to the community, so this too stays. And finally, my TAFE Certificate – this is a temporary one and I really owe it to myself to finish this to enable myself to get the job that I really want when Mr L starts school 5 days a week (so I do have a bit of time up my sleeves for this).
So this got me thinking, what else do I need to change in my life to make more time for what I not only need to allocate more time to, but also love and get great value and joy from. And this process has bought me around to my little sewing hobby/business. While I love it, I’m often overwhelmed from saying yes. This is entirely my fault. I do love it, but I do get a bit sidetracked with anything and everything else I possibly can. I think this is subconciously intentional. I think it’s my brains way of telling me it’s checked out. I no longer get the joy and value I once did from it. What do I do? What do I do?
Answer: I don’t know.
It’s hard to consider giving up this hobby that I have worked at for over 5 years, and I don’t want to give it up entirely. I need to get out of the drudgery. If I no longer enjoy it, it just feels like urghhh work *rolls eyes*. So after clearing my head and contemplating this on my walks this week (seriously, if you need to get clarity on something, go for a walk, listen to music or a podcast and the fresh air really does do you good and help you think!) I’ve decided this too must go, to some extent anyway.
I need to make a plan…….